The Hilton suite, please.

Paris Hilton's jail suite will not be as hot as, say, a suite at the Hilton in Paris. It will also not be as hot as the restrooms at Club Paris, where the owner fired Ms. Hilton earlier this year -- and is currently looking for her replacement a la a reality TV show (which will, unfortunately, not air until after Paris has served her sentence and is released from the Century Regional Detention Facility). Quelle dommage! (I'm sure her jailmates woulda loved watching it with her.)

Perez Hilton, eat your heart out.

Paris is a courtroom fashion faux pas

I don't care that Paris will start serving her 45-day sentence at the Century Regional Detention Facility on June 5 for violating her probation sentence for reckless driving. I just care about:

• the stupid headband she wore to court
• the fact that her jacket is not lined.
  

One word: tacky.

"And this will forever be known as 'the greatest day ever' until something better happens." - Jenny, idontlikeyouinthatway.com

See more photos here: Paris Hilton: 45 DAYS IN JAIL!!!

Paris Hilton Autopsy: Good for kids?

Whatever happened to putting a wrecked car on display in the high school parking lot? Ergh. This is just plain odd.

"An interactive Public Service Announcement featuring the graphic display of a tiara-wearing, autopsied Paris Hilton "corpse" with removable innards is designed to warn teenagers of the hazards of underage drinking."

High schools should just provide limos to cart the kids around in ... end of problem.

"Paris Hilton Autopsy," by Daniel Edwards, will be on display at Capla Kesting Fine Art Saturday, May 12 from 6 - 9 p.m.

I feel your pain, Lindsay.

Lindsay Lohan and I both lost our BlackBerry devices this weekend.

Luckily, my BB was new and didn't have a lot of private info on it. Lindsay's, on the other hand, was full of data ... in addition, her private MySpace account and Gmail accounts were hacked.

"The unnamed hacker promises a full website with all the hacked photos, messages and emails in the next 3-4 days. What's online thus far are some of her "conversations" with Paris Hilton, "Shannaxoxo" (Shanna Moakler, Travis Barker's wife/ex-wife/whatever), Stavros (Stavros Niarchos, Paris Hilton's on/off boyfriend) and "Sam Young" (Lindsay's alleged "lesbian lover," DJ Samantha Ronson)." - Todd/idontlikeyouinthatway.com

Oh, and P.S., this is Paris Hilton's private myspace account: http://www.myspace.com/cherubrawk
... and this *was* Lindsay's: http://www.myspace.com/privacycunt

Paris Hilton, $9.80 and a bleached beer babe

Here is the gal (Jaime Wright) that Paris picked to be the 2007 Bondi Blonde Beer babe on Jan 1 at Bondi Beach in Oz.

I think Bondi Blonde Beer should've picked a guy as its new face ... Mr. Bondi Blonde Bond '007. Just sayin'.

Oh, and did you know that Ms. Hilton skipped out on her hamburger tab at a cafe in Sydney? Yep. She did. Can someone say "clueless?"

Since that $9.80 fax pas, staffers at the restaurant have been joking that they could make a fortune by putting the leftover hamburger up for auction on ebay. I wouldn't pay 8 cents for it.

Wait ... is Paris hiding her beer in that pic? And ... are that girl's boobs fake or not? They look a little melon-ish.

Read more ...

Paris Hilton skips paying $9.80 bill at Sydney Café

Paris Hilton goes incognito Down Under

Jaime Wright is the new 'The Face of Bondi Blonde 2007'

Paris Hilton: Kicked outta USA for New Years

Paris finally found a New Year's Eve gig ... in Australia.

She's going to help judge a contest to find a new beer-guzzling skank, er, I mean, spokesmodel for Bondi Blonde Beer -- the only beer company that doesn't seem to have a website.

BondiBeer.com just redirects to a myspace page. Uh, kinda weird for a big beer company, no?

It's not too late: You can still book Paris Hilton to host your NYE party (as if!)

So, I learned that Paris Hilton is outta work this New Year's Eve. What? Nobody wanted to skank in the new year? Aww. Too bad.

In other news ...

Some changes are coming in 2007 for the old KAC site, which will be down soon for a redesign.

Meanwhile, we've been celebrating the THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of this website! Yay!

If you visit this site often, you probably know that since its launch, I've been harassed, sued, stalked, used and abused. Thank God I resisted the urge to be on all of those reality TV shows. And that Jerry Springer Show with the pornstar that wanted to reveal his secret crush on me. Ugh. That woulda been very bad. So. Glad. I. Skipped. That. One.

One good thing that's come outta this mess?

Now we all know where Karl Rove gets his hair done ... people like to throw champagne at Diddy parties ... I am a klutz that does not look hot in scrubs and stilettos ... I drank more than I shoulda in Vegas (who doesn't?) ... and Paris takes stupid pics when she thinks nobody's looking.

Photo: Friends of Washington Socialites party like it's 1999.

Paris Hilton: Ready to ring-in 2007 ...

Enquiring minds want to know ... is Paris Hilton engaged again?



And if so ... who's the unlucky man?



Oh, that would be 21-year-old Stavros Niarchos III, grandson of Stavros Niarchos, the rival of Aristotle Onassis ... and great-grandson of socialite Gloria Guinness.